04 February 2008

Middle school issues ban on intentional flatulence

Surely this is a sign of the coming apocolypse. "They" have been trying to keep boys from being boys for at least the last 30 years or so. And look where that's gotten us. Republican primary choices that just flat out suck; Democrat primary choices where it's a question between a socilist and a socialist who cries the day before votes are cast. Metrosexuals abound, and we're all supposed to be getting in touch with our feminine side.

To hell with that!!

It would seem that a certain middle school has now banned intentional farting. Now, as to how you tell if it's an intentional fart or not is beyond me, but still, there you have it. All I can say is that I'm fortunate that this idiotic law doesn't apply to me today, or applied to me in school. Heaven knows I would have been in the proverbial deep caca at all times.

This brings back a little trip down memory lane for me.....

Once upon a time, I was a young lad completing my BS in Elementary Education. The final portion of school was when we got the opportunity to student teach; where they place a green soon to be teacher in the classroom with an experienced teacher. The first week I was teaching 1st graders was quite an eye opener. Every day after lunch we would come back to class and I would read to the kids. The first day as all the kids settled down, one little boy leans over and rips a fart out. I stopped reading, looked up, and none of the kids did anything. Until another one of them farted. And then another. There were no giggles, no reaction from the kids at all. They hadn't yet learned that farting was a public taboo!

This continued all week long. Friday was pizza day at lunch. At least it was at that time before we became worried about saturated fats and healthy foods at lunch time. I had two slices of pizza, which by the time we got back to class had given me some first class gas. I was determined to suck it up and hold out till after reading time and then sneak off to the teacher's restroom and take care of business.

I started reading and sure enough, the little kids started farting. By now I was in quite some pain. And I figured, what the hell, it's not like we're all being quiet now. So I let it rip. And it was truly world class. Keep in mind this is on those ridiculous hard plastic seats that schools use and that sucker revibrated off the seat. One of the young lads in the front row raised his eyebrows and leaned back - I think he could have been singed, but I'm not sure.

I snuck a look at the supervising teacher, who was at her desk grading papers. She was staring at me as if I had just dropped a thermonuclear bomb in the classroom, which I guess is pretty much what I did after all. I knew if I turned to look at her completely I would lose it and start giggling out of control so I just focused on reading the next sentence in the book and carried on.

After class was over I got out of there as quick as I could so I wouldn't have to deal with my supervising teacher and giggled all the way home.

Ahhhhh, the good ole days.
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