25 August 2007

Now I'm Pissed

Remember the toilet paper job from last week? Well, it just escalated. Ketchup, mustard, cola, meat, and what might be a milkshake decorated my daughter's car.

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Way over the line. Police report filed, parents, kids, and coaches are being called. Please let me catch you doing something else...

24 August 2007

New Video Posting in Blogger!

It's a new feature in Blogger, and I'm trying it out. Enjoy a video from last year's Lone Star Adventures, showcasing our local shooting sports.

The Nuge!

This makes me laugh.

23 August 2007

The Death of a Match

That flushing noise you hear is this stage. My extractor gave out, and I suffered a couple of major malfs. Oh, well - there's always next year.

22 August 2007

Thai man dies wearing wife's bras

A 43-year-old Thai man was found dead wearing 15 bras and a mini-skirt belonging to his estranged wife, news reports said Wednesday. Jaran Khadphano was found dead Tuesday from a suspected heart attack at his home.

I don't know why, but after reading this story I can't stop thinking about my wife's panties. In fact, the first thing I'm going to do when I get home is rip her panties off.
They are crushing my testicles!

Police Need Help Identifying Amnesia Victim

I know this woman! She is my wife. She loves me unconditionally, loves to clean house, cook, do lawn work, clean guns, load ammo, and is a total nymphomaniac. I'm off to Tyler to get her and remind her of all this.

20 August 2007

Immigration Activist Deported to Mexico

An illegal immigrant who took refuge in a Chicago church for a year to avoid being separated from her U.S.-born son has been deported to Mexico, the church's pastor said.
Elvira Arellano became an activist and a national symbol for illegal immigrant parents as she defied her deportation order and spoke out from her religious sanctuary. She held a news conference last week to announce that she would finally leave the church to try to lobby U.S. lawmakers for change.
Damn right we need a change. I'm tired of saying it, but we need to get serious about the illegal immigration problem. One change that needs to be made is the law that automatically makes their babies US citizens. Just because they calve over here shouldn't automatically make the baby an American. Only babies of US citizens should be US citizens at birth.
"We are sad, but at the same time we are angry," said Javier Rodriguez, a Chicago immigration activist who worked with Arellano. "How dare they arrest this woman?"
How dare they arrest and deport somebody that has entered the country illegally? Give me a break. How dare these people. I'm sick and tired of hearing these people and their whining. I'm also sick of these people and the liberal left trying to paint me, and others that feel the same way, as Mexican hating racist. I am not a Mexican hating racist. I am intolerant of people that have no respect for our laws and our sovereignty.
I do hope her baby makes it to Mexico safely to be with it's mother, and I hope they both stay there.
One down, 20 MILLION to go.


Ha,ha! Did I scare you? Oh, mercy, I crack me up. Al hamsandwich!

Hi, Adam Gadahn here. You may know me as Adam Yahiye Gadahn, Adam Pearlman, the American Al-Qaeda, Azzam the American, or as my pals here in Pakistan call me, "Stinky."

You may remember me from such videos as "Knowledge is for Acting Upon," "Becoming a Muslim," "Driving Miss Car Bomb," "Dude, Where's My Camel?," and all those stupid-ass "training" videos with carpet-covered homies swinging from monkey bars and grabbing hot rifle barrels with their bare hands. I swear, they're so embarrassing sometimes, but they mean well. Plus, they want to cut your throats.

Okay, listen up, infidel dogs. We need to talk. More accurately, I need to talk and I need you to listen. You simply are not taking my threats to America seriously. Look - I'm not just wearing all this laundry on my head because it's so fashionably fabulous (not to mention slimming when it's in black), I'm hard-core, and I mean business. No, seriously. I'm street. And by street I mean AQ street (that's what the boys here in the cave call Al Qaeda). Street in the sheet - that's us. And we're not in it just for the virgins, either. Although, I have to admit, that does have some appeal. I'm not exactly Al Smootha with the houris, ya feel me?

Anyhoo - Allah say (peanuts be unto him) you best be squarin' up and paying attention, because we're gonna bust some shit up, Allah willing (we alway say that in case nothing actually happens. Which it mostly doesn't. But it will. Someday. Seriously. Quit laughing, Allah dammit!). I mean it, because we may or may not have some big, scary plan all cooked up and ready to go. Hey - stop giggling - we really are bad-asses, with training camps, guns, and super fashion sense.

You think I'm kidding, don't you? Do you think global warming is an accident, kafir? Allah (pizza be unto him) says you will drink the wine of your iniquities, and have the chips and dips of your sins. Or something like that. In any event, you really don't want to open up that can of camels. We are stupid, but we are patient, and um...where was I?

Now go put on your American cowboy boots so you may shake in them.

BBC drops fictional terror attack to avoid offending Muslims

Yep, wouldn't want to offend those peace loving muslims now, would we?