Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

Ok, what I want to know is:

1. is one of the counts of aggravated assault based on this guy throwing his penis at the police?

2. which one of the new guys had to pick up this fellow's penis? I guarantee you it wasn't one of the veteran officers.

3. if someone throws his penis at you, does that justify a lethal response?

Flying Cow Leaves Two Police Cars in Flames

That's right - you're not going to see that headline in too many states. Where did it happen? Why, Texas, of course.

The story's pretty good, too:

Several cars hit some of the cows. One cow died. DPS troopers called for backup.

That's when one officer was nearly run down by a speeding truck, carrying two illegal immigrants inside.

Seguin Police were out looking for those illegal immigrants. They parked their cars in the hot grass, burning two of them including that brand new 2006 Crown Victoria. Watson said, "Well, all of a sudden, another officer who'd arrived on the scene, alerted the sergeant that there was a fire."

Freezer failure ends couple's hopes of life after death

Looks like the Mom and Pop-sicle's reanimation plans got put on ice. So to speak.

Bainbridge man charged with bestiality

Take a look at the picture in this article. I don't think she's that bad.

Testicle festival

The gonadologists will fire up their stoves at 10 a.m., judging starts at 11:45 a.m., tasting is at noon and results will be announced at 2 p.m., Aguilar said. Each participant will prepare about 20 pounds of mountain oyster fry, flown in from New Zealand, she said.
Awards will be presented for best overall taste, most creative use of
flavors, best booth, best first-time cook and best presentation.

My testicles are a sure thing to win overall taste and best presentation. You haven't lived until you've tasted my testicles!

Bomb dog's alert delays NCAA game

This is why you should always feed your dog before letting him sniff for bombs.

In a landmark law-enforcement action, a bomb-sniffing dog alerted on a hot dog stand. That's like putting Pimp Daddy in a strip club and telling him to look for suspicious-looking women.

Duh.

Georgia Senate to Fonda-Suck it!

Georgia Senate Defeats Fonda Resolution

Jane Fonda's 1972 trip to North Vietnam is haunting her again. The Georgia Senate on Thursday nearly unanimously defeated a resolution that would have honored the actress' charity work in the state. Fonda's political activities protesting the Vietnam War, including a trip to North Vietnam in 1972, have long made her a target of Veterans.
"I can think of no living American who is less worthy of this honor," Republican Sen. John Douglas declared. "She is as guilty of treason as Benedict Arnold and Tokyo Rose."

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, Kansas - 1895

These questions are harder than Chinese Algebra.

But could a single one of these kids write a C# application to add 2 numbers together? I didn't think so. Not so smart now, are ya Walter?

Also, they're all dead now. Big fat lot of good passing this test did 'em.

Jessica Simpson snubs Bush

When I saw the headline I thought it was gonna be a story about her trimming her beaver. How disappointing.

Texas Carries Out Fifth Execution Of 2006

Texas carried out the fifth execution of the year Wednesday as a 31-year-old Dallas man was put to death for the 1997 murders of two women during a robbery outside of a theater.

Another story describes some of Hughes prior crimes before these murders.

During his trial, prosecutors presented evidence that Hughes had robbed three other people at gunpoint at a restaurant parking lot near the theater four days before. He was also indicted for the January 1996 slaying of Jaffar Ali, owner of a Dallas convenience store, during a robbery.
Hughes, who got a bad conduct discharge from the U.S. Marine Corps after a court-martial, was also accused by police of domestic violence against his ex-wife.

A while back, Dan and I saw a movie at this theater. As we walked to our vehicles, we talked about the crime. This was a totally random and senseless act of violence. It is exactly the reason I choose to arm myself. Because there are animals out there like this piece of shit, you need to be aware of what is going on around you at all times and be prepared to take action to protect you and your loved ones.

Erinkitola, 25, a Chicago native and a student at the University of Illinois, had been in the Dallas-area on a summer internship with GTE Corp. Mendoza, 29, originally from San Francisco, also worked for GTE. "They were very bright girls with tremendous futures ahead of them," said Toby Shook, who was lead prosecutor in the case for the Dallas County District Attorney's Office.

All this was caught on video surveillance and got a lot of play on the local news. These two friends were out to see a movie and were gunned down for what amounted to a little bit of money.

"He's such a cold-blooded psychopath that he deserves the fate that awaits him on Wednesday," Shook said.

Indeed.

CRIAG IS BEST BOND EVER, SAYS DIRECTOR

I don't recall a previous Bond director having to come out and talk about how great the new Bond is....

And you're probably wondering - just how's this new Bond so much better? We already know he can't drive a stick shift, can't shoot, can't swim, is afraid of speedy boat rides, can't fight, and he's very sensitive to the sun.

No, dear readers, it's not that the new Bond is a manly man. It's that he emotes.

Movie-maker Campbell defended the maligned star, insisting he gives a far more emotive performance than suave predecessor Pierce Brosnan ever could.... We show that Bond will suffer from emotional and physical pain.

Now that's what I want. A super spy with his finger on the button, saving the world from the evil villain with his emotions. I had an earlier discussion here at the Tattler on this topic and came to the conclusion that the new Bond was the image of the new Castrato - the new "man". If we're supposed to think that this bugger is the best Bond ever, it's going to take a bit more than because he has feelings to convince me. I mean, for God's sake, man - will the new Aston Martin come equipped with a special compartment for this ninny's tissue paper?

Thus far, I'm convinced the new Bond should be wearing a bra and panty set rather than saving the world.

Beer Guts Save Lives

I was checking out the Cathouse last night and read with great interest the Cat's thoughts on eating right and working out and staying in shape. As usual, the Cat was very persuasive and had many good points.

Then I remembered this article and frankly, became torn. I mean, it's for my own safety if I grow my beer gut any bigger than it already is!

Hell, I always knew pizza and beer were good for you.

Stop for Directions Foils Alleged Thief

This is the law of men: do not stop and ask for directions. This is what happens when you violate this law.

NBC 17 - News - Pregnant Mother Shoots, Kills Intruder

NBC 17 - News - Pregnant Mother Shoots, Kills Intruder

OK, riddle me this. And this is a very big problem I have with the MSM.

At what point is this idiot not a "suspected" intruder? These morons can't get over the fact that it's ok to NOT want to be raped, murdered, robbed, fill in the blank, in your own home. That a person may actually CHOOSE to defend themselves from violence. That dialing 911 is NOT the answer to all problems. Sounds pretty cut and dried to me.

Scum bag is looking into window, scumbag starts to try and force entry, scumbag is informed by resident that she doesn't want him to do that and she's armed, scumbag doesn't listen very well and ignores warning, scumbag exchanges gunfire with resident. But the MSM dumbasses still want to refer to him as a "suspected" intruder.

Hell, I say we give her some police issue ammo and a free membership to the shooting range of her choice! Somehow I can't help but think that if more if these idiots were lying cold in the morgue from encounters such as this, they would consider a different line of work. Or at least move to England or Australia.

(H/T to Tam for this one)

Fox Announces Major Mexico Oil Find - Yahoo! News

I say we make honest citizens of all of them, and just annex Mexico. Do we need a petition or something?

Dallas Trumps Houston On Enticing Gay Tourists

I'm certainly glad to see that tourists in our fair city are so happy.

Dallas officials said their gay travelers tend to spend $50 more per day than other travelers.

Hmmm...I wonder why?

Miss Deaf Texas Struck by Train, Killed

Witness Carlos Burgos told Austin television station KTBC that the train was sounding its horn right up until the time the accident happened.

Hecklers harass families of US soldiers killed in Iraq

When I read this headline, I was expecting a story about some flea bitten, long haired, pot smoking, anti-American, hippie, commie, pieces of shit that were protesting the war. What I read about was at least, if not more despicable.

Five women sang and danced as they held up signs saying "thank God for dead soldiers" at the funeral of an army sergeant who was killed by an Iraqi bomb. For them, it was the perfect way to spread God's word: America was being punished for tolerating homosexuality.

This is Fred Phelps and his minions at their finest. I have read tales of their protesting of abortion clinics by publicly displaying pictures of a torn up fetus in full view of young children or anybody else that happens to drive by. They protest homosexuality by showing up at funerals of gays with signs that say "God Hates Fags" and "God Wants Fags Dead". They cheered the terror attacks of 9/11 saying it was God's retribution for America's evil ways.
Now they are disrupting funerals of our honorable fighting men and women to protest homosexuality? What kind of sense does that make?
These people need an ass whipping of the highest order.

But it was the callousness and cruelty of harassing the grieving families of soldiers at dozens of funerals across the country that has sparked a grassroots movement of bikers determined to drown out the jeers and taunts. In Flushing, Michigan they turned their leather-clad backs to the five women and held flags and tarps up so that mourners walking past wouldn't see the signs saying "God hates fags," "fag vets" and "America is doomed."

Thanks God for these bikers. Whether you agree of disagree with how somebody has led their life, the dead deserve a little respect, and their grieving loved ones should be able to attend the funerals without having to put up with these assholes.
I really don't think our loving and merciful God would approve of this hateful behavior. After all, God is love.

Mystery of vanished "Buddha Boy" grips Nepal-REVISED

The weekend disappearance of a Nepalese boy whom supporters hail as a reincarnation of the Buddha has sparked a nationwide search.
Supporters have showered 16-year old Ram Bahadur Bomjan with money and gifts for allegedly sitting in motionless meditation in the roots of a pipal tree without taking food or water, or using the toilet, since May 16 last year.

I'm guessing he went to get a burger and take a leak.

The more I think about this story, the more I think this kid needs a good ass whipping, as well. Is this the laziest person in Nepal or what? Get off your ass and go mow the lawn!

The Best Blonde Joke in the world Ever!

Okay - last post for the evening (the Sopranos season premiere is tonight). Follow the link to a damned funny blonde joke. Don't know if it's the best, but it ain't bad...

Chief Wana Dubie

Well, ya gotta love Missouri politics. The best we can do in Texas is Kinky Friedman. For some reason, when I see this guy's picture, all I can hear is Tommy Chong's voice...

The Hip Hop Caucus?

For whatever reason (and believe me, that reason truly escapes me), I received the following e-mail this weekend. I'd just like to say: WTF? The Hip Hop Caucus? Would anyone venture to guess what color is the "color of change?" I gotta tell ya, boys and girls. I find this offensive, racist, political, self-serving, and plain old-fashioned stupid. Think I might miss the march, but it'll be interesting to see if this gets any play in the MSM.

Dear Friend,
This is Rev. Lennox Yearwood from the Hip Hop Caucus. You may also remember me from Russell Simmons' Hip-Hop Summit Action Network. I am humbly reaching out to you because we find ourselves at a critical juncture in history, and we need your help!

In the wake of Katrina, our government turned its back on a whole group of our people--tax-paying Americans who were left to die--and they're still being left behind today. With this in mind, I am inviting you participate in a major march in Washington, D.C. next Tuesday, March 14th, led by the Hip Hop Caucus, and the other organizations comprising the Gulf Coast Renewal Campaign. We will protest the continued FEMA evictions, call for the protection of voting rights for those who've been displaced, and call on Congress to pass legislation to restore the lives of those who were left behind to die during Hurricane Katrina.

Get Involved!

If you're in or near DC, please join us on Tuesday (details are below). If you're outside the area or can't make it, that doesn't mean you can't get involved and make a difference. You can plug-in online and join ColorOfChange.org, a partner in the Gulf Coast Renewal Campaign. ColorOfChange.org is using the Internet to build an online movement to empower all of us, and in particular black folks, to make sure our people don't get left behind again. To join ColorOfChange or read the ColorOfChange pledge, click here: http://colorofchange.org/h2c.html.

Tuesday, March 14th: March & Rally

Tuesday promises to be an energizing and historic event. We will join political and civic leaders, celebrities, and most importantly, survivors of Katrina and Rita from around the country who've been displaced from their homes. There will be speeches, music, and the ability to connect with others who want to do more to make sure the needs of the survivors are addressed. Here is the schedule for Tuesday. You can get updates and details at http://katrinamarch.org.

1-2 p.m. Press Conference, Rayburn House Office Building, Rm 2237
2-3 p.m. March for Justice from the west front of the Capitol to the White House (Closest Metro - Capitol South)
3-Midnight Rally, Protest and Vigil at Lafayette Square Park


Thank you so much for your time, and thank you in advance for doing your part to help--we appreciate all efforts. Together, we can take care of each other, hold our government accountable and make the injustice visible.

God Bless,
Rev. Lennox Yearwood
President and CEO
Hip Hop Caucus
http://www.hiphopcaucus.org