30 June 2006

Mounties to marry in N.S. in first-ever union of two male RCMP officers

Reaction to the wedding - the first between two male RCMP officers - has befuddled the couple, who have been overwhelmed by interview requests from reporters and congratulations from well-wishers they've never met.

Brokeback Mounties? Dudley Do-right must be spinning in his cartoon grave.

29 June 2006

Mom Accused Of Leaving Baby Home Alone To Buy Beer

Dammit, people. You cannot expect your children to buy your beer.

Doesn't anyone proofread anymore?

Operation removes lightbulb from anus

Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus. Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.
"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else,"
He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.
Maybe his colon got an idea about something.

There is a nice picture of the x-ray.

Me and You and a Really Horny Bear Named Boo

He said the bear bashed a nearly 400-pound steel door off its four bolts, destroyed an electrical box while tearing through two electric fences and scrambled over a 12-foot fence anchored with 2 feet of steel below ground.

"I think he just kept charging it (the door) and charging it until it broke off its bolts," Dalzell said. "Everything was completely trashed. We are dealing with a pretty smart and determined bear."

Poor Boo. Determined my arse - that bear wants a taste of something, and I'm betting it's not freedom.

Lucky #13

The great state of Texas has rid the world of one more useless wad of flesh. A real charmer, Resendiz was convicted of brutally killing Claudia Benton in 1998, and was linked to at least 15 murders near train tracks across the country.

Resendiz’s lead appeals lawyer, Jack Zimmermann, had argued that his client, who described himself as half-man and half-angel, told psychiatrists he couldn’t be executed because he didn’t believe he could die.

Heh. Guess he was wrong. Go Texas!

Gator-guzzling python comes to messy end - Science - MSNBC.com

Talk about heartburn. I just thought it was a bizarre picture and had to share.

28 June 2006

Wait, Don't Shoot! I Forgot My Password!

@ Alice Hill's Real Tech News - Independent Tech

Another brilliant plan to prevent evil guns from shooting people all by themselves.
The way to make firearms really safe, says Hebert Meyerle of Germany, is to password-protect the ammunition itself.

Meyerle is patenting a design for a modified cartridge that would be fired by a burst of high-frequency radio energy. But the energy would only ignite the charge if a solid-state switch within the cartridge had been activated. This would only happen if a password entered into the gun using a tiny keypad matched one stored in the cartridge.
The best part of this article is the comment section. Looks like most geeks are pro-gun!
What a great idea! We could also use this technology on Rosie O’Donnell’s fork, Jimmy Swaggart’s Bible, Ozzie’s liquor bottles, Ted Kennedy’s cars, Dick Cheney’s shotguns, … We can finally eradicate stupidity and dysfunction without any twinge of personal responsibility. Sound familiar?

26 June 2006

Texas man earns $65,000 in Big Bass Splash

And just in case you're feeling too good about yourself, here's a story that shows how wrong life can be. In a sport where you can't be too drunk to compete, a mans pulls this down:
His 12.38-pound catch earned him the hourly first-place award of $1,500 during the noon "T-shirt bonus hour" on Friday plus a brand new Hummer and Triton TR176 bass boat at Sunday's ceremony -- almost $65,000 in cash and prizes
I have no idea what a "T-shirt bonus hour" is, nor do I want to know, but dammit all to hell - it pays off, apparently.
The second place overall bass for the weekend weighed in at 10.76 pounds and won a black Dodge pickup truck Ricky Broadman of Marthaville. Eddie Rhea of DeRidder won a Cherokee travel trailer for his third place 10.25 pound-catch and Alexandria's Tri Brewer placed fifth and received a Honda ATV for a 9.46-pound bass.
The last time I went fishing, all I got was a sunburn and an ass-chewing.

Life isn't fair, people.

Aggressive Peacocks Ruffle Texas Feathers

Oh, my mercy.
With attacks reported on people and cars, residents of an Arlington neighborhood say a flock of peacocks has become uncharacteristically aggressive as four males seek the attention of one hen.
Won't someone think of the children?
One woman said her daughter was scratched on the stomach by one of the peacocks.
The humanity.

But wait, what's this?
"What happens sometimes is the peacock male will see its reflection in the car's paint and think it's another male peacock, then move to protect his territory."
Well, that tears it. With a little tequila-lime marinade, and a good mesquite wood fire, them's good eatin'!

Transvestite gang pesters Magazine Street

I wonder if this is the REAL reason school bus Nagin called out the National Guard??

And I cannot begin to imagine how anyone could write an article like this without laughing their asses off...

To wit:

Ogle and Bonga say they regret being forced to resort to such profiling but they feel they have no other choice. The transvestites, Ogle said, appear to be drug-addicted and fearless in their lust for designer shoes, jackets and jewelry.

giggle. snort.

This Week's Prostitution Photos -- Saint Paul Police

Remember, boys and girls: drugs are bad, m'kay?