The New York Times > Books > Books of The Times: The Pastiche of a Presidency, Imitating a Life, in 957 Pages

who's that writing for the new york times and what have you done with our nation's leading liberal newspaper?

al-Qaida Leader Killed in Saudi Raid

this would be a good start.

Avast, Ye Scurvy Dogs

Indonesia Orders Pirates, Sea Terrorists Shot on Sight

Well, shiver me timbers. Indonesia finally gets tough on terrorism. What about those Al Qaeda training camps you have there?

Bowman Rules

If I were ever to play games at work (and I don't), I'd play this one.

eBay: Animal Canvas Art Monkey With Roses

Aw, geez. Why'd this auction have to be from someone in Texas? They must be from somewhere else originally.

DRUDGE REPORT FLASH 2002?

graphic photos. enter at your own risk. We are waging a war against a group of people that need to be exterminated. period.

HoustonChronicle.com - Report: U.S. hostage beheaded

assholes. anyone who thinks that this war is not between islam and the west (hell, the rest of the world, not just the west) is an idiot. the terrorist assholes can be so brave when the people they kill are unarmed. they are nothing but cowards hiding behind a mask.

Fahrenheit 9/11 gets help offer from Hezbollah

'Nuff said.

How to Pick Up a Hot Asian Girl. Or Not.

"Sisuepahn is Unliftable!!!" raves her website. Looks like hoo-ha to me.

Happy Bird-day to You...

Neato. The world's oldest yard bird.

Tastes like chicken.

Hoffman says slur can be "term of endearment"

I'll try to keep this in mind....

Summer classes train protesters for GOP convention

now, this is what I want to be when I grow up. what a bunch of morons. why don't they get a real job? What about a class on "how to react when you're getting your ass kicked by someone you pissed off with your adolescent antics?"

Iran massing troops on Iraq border - (United Press International)

something sure smells fishy in denmark....

What Kind of Guide Dog is That???

1) Blind guy, intoxicated, driving
2) Intoxicated friend giving directions
3) Guide dog (presumably not intoxicated)

Put these three in a golf cart. Surprisingly, they hit a parked car. I'm sure it was the dog's fault.

I can almost hear the "YEEE-ha!" from here.

The Reality of Running Away from Stuff

As a public service, I'm providing a link to this site to ensure you know when to run, and when to just accept your fate.

Army Shows 1st Uniform Redesign Since '81

First the beret thing, now this. I think it screams, "FABULOUS!!!"

My Cup Runneth Over

Seriously, what are some parents thinking?

Even More Fun with Names

No puns from me. No sir. Not this time.

The Wicked Witch of the West?

Right-click on the pic, and check out the name of the file. I sense some tension here.

23-Acre lake disappears

Sucks to be those homeowners.

Reggie Sanders Does a Good Thing

Way to go, Reggie. After some jackass knocked down a little boy for a baseball, Reggie came up with a bat and ball for the kid.

As for the moron who stole the foul ball from the kid: what's it like to be the most hated man in America this morning? Please don't be from Texas.

Forensic tests may be key to bizarre case

Has anyone seen Lorena Bobbit lately?

Saudi authorities hunt for missing American

Seriously, if you're gonna be over there, jot down these useful expressions:

AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN - Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

FEKR-GABUL CARDAN DIVAT RAEH CUSH DIVAR - I'm delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.

SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE - I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life

AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST - It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVARHMAN - If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my couintry in public

KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY - I will tell you the names and addresses of many american spies travelling as reporters.

BALLI, BALLI, BALLI - Whatever you say

MATERNIER CHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN - The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM - The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

ETEHFORAN, DEHRATEE, OTAGEH SHOMA MIKRASTAM KHE DO HAFTAEH BA BODENEH SHEEREEL TEEGZ - Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Teigs.

KFC Introduces Janet Jackson Breast Collectible

No, but really - you CAN get a Dale Earnhardt Jr. collectible bucket. It'll make your double-wide smell finger-lickin' good for weeks.