28 January 2006

The new American Castrato

JR, here's the link to the article we were talking about over breakfast after you used your little teasing non-masculine voice to try and entice me out of my 8 egg omelet.

The fellow makes some good points indeed.

"...You realize that you hear this voice every day if you bounce around a bit in our larger cities buying this or ordering that, and in general running into young people in the "service" sector -- be it coffee shop, video store, department store, boutique, bookstore, or office cube farm. It's a kind of voice that was seldom heard anywhere but now seems to be everywhere.
It is the voice of the neuter ."

I think this is why women find the males here on the Tattler so damn attractive. We talk like sailors, drive like maniacs, drink more beer than a fraternity (except for the ninnies Brad and Dan), smoke cigars and shoot guns. Hell, for that matter, the Girl is more of a man than most of the rest of the guys out there.

Speaking of.... One night, she actually brought a date to one of our weekly competitions. Computer geek. Nerdy type. Exactly the kind of castrato the article above talks about . I thought that while her choice in males was entertaining for the rest of us, I didn't think she'd be very entertained herself.

This poor lad was swimming in a sea of sharks and didn't know it.

After the match we went out to eat at one of the local Taqueria type eateries. You place your order, get your food and then go sit down and eat. The Girl's date got to the table first and then politely sat with his hands in his lap waiting for the rest of us, and the Girl to come join him at the table. I was the next person there, saw him waiting and told him to just dig in, there aren't any formalities with this bunch and your food's just gonna get cold.

Big D shows up next. He throws his tray down, points at the geek, and asked in his war voice if "he was dating Trixie".

The geek's response was a mumbled, gurgled sound that came out sounding like he had just shit in his pants.

Big D took that as a yes, and proceeded to rant "well you'd better be nice you little shit because I love her and if I ever find out you were mean to her I'm ripping your fucking head off."

Now here I am next to the geek, trying very hard to not blow queso and hot sauce out my nose. I think my ears popped several times with the effort, but I managed to swallow it all without dribbling into my beer. The poor kid is now ghostly white and has made a vain attempt to disappear under the table.

Big D continues to glare at the kid, and when the Girl comes to the table, there's another round of snickers and shooting beer out of our noses laughing uncontrollably.

I don't think the kid ever even ate anything, and finally just got up and left.

None of us told the Girl what had happened, but at some point in the future, the geek told her that he wasn't coming shooting with us any more because her friends intimidated him and then told her what happened.

I don't think she's had a date since.

Range Report

Woke up at the crack of dawn this morning to go shooting in Wichita Falls. Given the radar map, wouldn't you think there'd be a match?

You'd think wrong.

So, instead of a range report, here's a review of the IHOP restaurant on Swisher Road and I-35.

Catfish and The Girl ordered some scrambled-egg, burrito-lookin' behemoth stuffed with meat, cheese, beans, animal entrails, bug parts, and probably some floor sweepings. My breakfast partners were also served 3 pancakes each with their egg castles. I can honestly say that I've never seen so much food served for a single meal to a single person. I asked the waitress if anyone actually ate all that, and she said "yes." She looked like she knew of what she spoke. My friends (much to their credit) did not attempt to duplicate this feat. However, Catfish did get a doggy bag.

I had migas. No tortilla strips in the migas, way too much cheese, and a wee bit overboard on the jalapenos. I will give it 2 thumbs up for indigestion, though. Gas factor: high.

Overall, it was a very clean restaurant, with a very friendly staff, and full of large, sweaty patrons who apparently like bacon, cheese, and gravy.

I give it 2 stars.

My restaurant rating system is based on how long it takes before you have to go to the bathroom after eating there:
* - next morning
** - within the same day
*** - within 2 hours
**** - before you leave the restaurant
***** - Why do you think they call them Depends?

26 January 2006

Canadians Threaten US With War Rhetoric

That's it. Those French-speaking, beaver-loving, bacon-making, hoose-dwelling Canadians are asking for it, eh?
"The United States defends its sovereignty and the Canadian government will defend our sovereignty," Harper told reporters in Ottawa. "It is the Canadian people we get our mandate from, not the ambassador of the United States."
Hey, Canuck - we've invaded crappier countries than yours for worse reasons. Might wanna just get back to your hockey and faggy "football."

Huge Beaver!

...the crew put it on a scale and discovered it weighed 60 pounds. Williams said they also measured the beaver and found it to be 42 inches long.
"Whoever hit this bad boy, they knew they hit something," Williams said.

23 January 2006

Blogger: User Profile: thegirl

Funny thing. My profile is "JR," and nobody visits it. However, the profile known as "thegirl" gets beaucoup hits. Why is that?


Hey, Girl - wanna generate some traffic? One word: Boobies. Say no more.

Mars Images Reveal Recent Volcanic And Glacial Activity

How can this be?? As far as I know, George Bush has yet to step on the surface of Mars, and so far, he can't be blamed for the global warming trend that's coming in Mars' future.... I'm stymied though, because according to the eco-clowns, there would be no global warming if not for mankind's (or should I say, America's) insatiable appetite for fossile fuels??

"James Head, professor of geological sciences at Brown University and an author on the Nature papers, said the glacial data suggests recent climate change in Mars’ 4.6-billion-year history. The team also concludes that Mars is in an “interglacial” period. As the planet tilts closer to the sun, ice deposited in lower latitudes will vaporize, changing the face of the Red Planet yet again."

Yet here we have a scientific journal telling us that Mars' ice deposits are going to be melted away! Perhaps the CIA has secretly been developing industries on Mars that are wreaking such havoc on the red planet?

The Countertop Chronicles: The Gunnies

Hey, lookit us! The Texican Tattler has been nominated for a Gunnie Award, in the category of "Best Range Reports". Pop on over there, and give us a vote. Heaven knows we could use the support...

22 January 2006

Official site of the Pittsburgh Steelers - Article

Official site of the Pittsburgh Steelers - Article

OK, for those that missed it, I thought I'd let everyone know the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to the Super Bowl.

Jerome, The Bus, Bettis is going home to Detroit for the biggest game of his career.

Just wanted to throw that out there for everyone.


Super Bowl.

Go Steelers!

A Cellphone Powered by Urine

Pissed when your cell battery dies? Urine luck!