Ladies and gentlemen, I submit this literary jewel for your perusal and indigestion. From one of our fine Community Colleges, an op-ed piece on the right to bear arms.
"A well regimented military, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bare arms, shall not be infringed."
Seriously, how hard would it have been to go out on the Internets, find a properly spelled version of the Second Amendment, and then cut and paste it into the article? Mr. Parker continues to delight my burning eyes with this insight:
My position on this issue is a divided one. Guns in America are like Weird Al Yankovic at the Grammys: Sure they're invited, but should they really be there?
Well said, dude. Well said.
Logically, though, and without a second thought of historical significance or American policy, guns in the sense of humanity are not necessary. We don't need them for hunting and we wouldn't need them for defense if no one else had them. The law enforcement industry wouldn't need to rely so heavily on the weapons if criminals weren't similarly equipped.
Logically, indeed. Because deer hunting with a hammer is real sport. And everyone knows that if you wear a police uniform, it's more than enough to subdue an unarmed 220-pound ex-convict who's higher than a Paris Hilton's feet on prom night.
Of course the banning of handguns, high-powered rifles and assault weapons wouldn't put a complete end to violence, but it's a good start, and perhaps we should give it a little thought. Some day it may be you at the other end of a pistol, hoping that you could get to your wallet faster and wishing that we didn't allow those types of weapons in our country.
Parents, when you get home tonight, do me a favor: beat some damned sense into your children. Then visualize whirled peas.
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