17 November 2004

Something Awful - Guide: "The Democrat's Guide to Overthrowing the Government"

This is hilarious. It requires reading, so don't hurt yourself. An excerpt:
Step Three: Taking on the Army

Eventually the riots will spiral out of control and the police will no longer be able to handle the enraged masses. Once governors around the country realize this is the case they will begin mobilizing elements of the National Guard. Luckily, most of our military is over in Iraq right now. Remember that? It's what your stupid ass is supposed to be protesting. Regardless, their absence here creates an opportunity for a successful confrontation with the US military that would not exist otherwise.

Some tips for facing off against military forces:

-Start supporting the second amendment, because all of our liberal gun control talk is about to take a big ironic shit in our mouth.
-Try exposing yourself to radiation to become some sort of super mutant, because there is no way in hell you're going to be able to face off against a trained and equipped soldier otherwise.
-Chant impotently at any soldiers you see, something catchy like "No war for oil" or "we need a pitcher, not a belly itcher".
-Remember that soldiers are not human beings, they are actually robotic killing machines controlled by the fascist oligarchy of George W. Bush.
At some point outright rioting will cease to become a realistic option. The troops will be using things like bullets and missiles and liberal weapons like offensive rap lyrics, pornography, and flag burning will no longer be effective. That means it's time to form some militia units to engage the regular army forces in deadly combat. Militia units like:
-The 101st Airborne Bong Tokers out of Berkeley
-The 27th K.D. Lang Concert Audience Assault Brigade
-1st Armored Division "Jon Stewart"
-735th Recumbent Bicycle Cavalry
-201st No to Nukes Light Infantry
-6th Give Peace a Chance "Or Else" Division
-82nd MoveOn Dot Ordinance Supply Battalion
-The 4th Mississippi Irregulars "Martin Luther King, Jr." Division
-1st Nantucket Schooner & Pleasure Yacht Fleet
-9th Olympic Synchronized Landing Marine Division

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