clintons napping

slimeballs. you'd think at the least they would show some respect at Reagan's funeral. oh, wait, it's the clintons. what was I thinking?

John Bergstrom's Attack Cartoons

I like this guy's cartoons. If you're a regular reader of the Tattler, chances are you will, too.

Ananova - F*cking villagers vote against name change

I don't make these up, folks. It's on the Internet, so it must be true!

F*cking Villagers. That's funny.

Irony Defined

Dog meat used in hot dogs. Sparky? Sparky? Where are ya, boy?

Wonder as 1,000-year-old padded bra dug up

Wonder, indeed. I wonder what size it is???

More Fun With Names

Sorry. Really bad pun with that title...

Al-Qaida confirms attack on 'unbelievers'

How brave they are against unarmed victims.
Cowards.

Brigitte Bardot fined for inciting racial hatred

so, now you get fined for writing what you think in books?? That is, if you don't agree with the prevailing opinion??

Today's Sasquatch Sighting Courtesy of the Yukon

And I quote: "Just because you can't prove something was there, does not mean it was not there."

So true.

Never Argue on an Overpass

Man Throws Woman Off Overpass. I guess in addition to those "No Fishing From Bridge" signs, we're gonna need some new ones.

10 bucks says they ain't from around here...

Famous Last Words

"Wanna see a real hand grenade?"

Crazy People and the World Wide Interweb Thingy

I guess crazy people have been around for as long as there have been "normal" people, but it wasn't until the advent of the Internet that I've had to put up with them. I mean, how often do you actually physically meet a bonafide loony, really? However, a casual stroll through the web will avail you of all sorts of conspiracy theorists, wannabe superstars, and just plain old-fashioned whackos who now have a medium through which they can share their lunacy with the rest of humankind.

What's that you say? You don't know what I'm talking about? Be deprived no longer. Look, linger over their particular brand of whackiness, and don't forget to buy their products!

John Titor - okay, technically not a nut, per se, but proof that people will build websites about anything.

Armageddon Online. Can't tell yer megatsunamis from your pandemics without this site!

Swami Sananda - one of my all-time fave loonies. An aggravating website resplendent with unwanted music, horrible graphics, and lots and lots of pics of Swami Bananarama. He's the coo-cookiest, man.

My Bodyweight. That's the name of the title page. Seriously. This person is one reason that I carry a gun. He is so very seriously insane that it boggles the sane part of my mind (what's left of it after looking at this site). This dude can't keep a job because someone is manipulating the timeline to change history, mess with his ability to stay married,
change the climate, and generally commit shenannigans. Of course, this guy is the ONLY person who's on to this scheme. Thank goodness his sane and sober exegesis of this vast conspiracy can be perused via the wonderful WWW. Don't forget: the shiny side of the foil goes out.

The Reptilians. Who are they really? Who really cares? This crazy person does.

Crystalinks. Ellie Crystal's a psychic! Neato! She got abducted by aliens! Sweet! She's from Brooklyn! ick.

Infowars.com - Alex Jones hates everything, apparently. Especially the government. Conspiracy! Conspiracy!

Jeff Rense must have the same water supply as Alex Jones. Mercy. If the volume of crap you put out equals truth, Jeff is the man!

I've noticed a disturbing trend with most of these sites. They have dozens of pages, and each page is about a mile long. It's called "hyperlinking," people. Use it.

This is making me tired, and that means the rays are taking control of my mind. Must...get...rest...sleep...consume...reproduce....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Kentucky Governor Will Buy His Own Drinks This Week...

Fletcher's plane stirs a panic; Capitol, high court evacuated.

I watched the news footage of the Capitol evacuation on TV this morning. The transponder on his airplane "began to malfunction," which basically made his plane an unidentified (and unauthorized!) aircraft.

Evacuate the Capitol, scramble 2 Eagles, send up Blackhawks for escorts to (ironically) Reagan National Airport.

Welcome to our post-9/11 world.

Structured Procrastination

Bookmark this page, then read it when you get around to it.

Cop was killed for his gun, authorities say

Yikes. This nut musta watched Rambo too many times.

British Athletes

Caramba. Put the beer down and run around the block a few times.

1/2 of town's cops are polygamists

having more than 1 mother in law should be punishment enough.

So Now They Think He Was Charming

go ann, go!

My favorite all time Reagan quote:

"My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."

RIP

brittney injures knee

gotta watch those pesky knees

Ted Rall is an Idiot

I know it's restating the obvious, but what an insensitive, uncaring, downright hateful man.

Quoth this humanitarian:
"Still, I'm not a knee-jerk left-wing guy," Mr. Rall said. "I am an advocate of the Second Amendment; I don't believe in abortion as birth control; and I was the first to call for Clinton's impeachment. I think that this country has shifted so far over to the right that anyone who is a garden-variety Democrat circa 1972 is painted as a Marxist-Leninist."

But it's okay to say Pat Tillman was a idiot for dying for his country, and that Ronald Reagan is burning in hell (which Rall apparently doesn't believe in).

Mr. Rall defended the "crispy brown" comment and said it was made "to get people to understand that the right is attempting to canonize this guy, and it is ridiculous. If there is a hell, this guy is in it."

Send us a postcard from hell, Ted.

Dial 1-800-psycho today!

Ignore the warning signs, and you just might end up on the next episode of The FBI Files...

Kerry flip-flops on terrorism

John Kerry flip flops?? I find that so hard to believe. Really.

PITTSBURG / Aspiring rapper arrested in killing of his promoter

Your music sucks, so you shoot your promoter? Smart.

Rachel Hunter slams Clinton

I knew I had the hots for her when I was a kid for a reason!

WorldNetDaily: Giuliani to replace Cheney on ticket?

Personally, I think this would be a smart move. But, who am I to judge!!

Miami Passenger Accused of Slapping Air Marshal

It's rude to hang up on someone, but okay to slap a Federal Air Marshall? Miss Manners is not impressed, dear air traveller...

Passion's Flames, Part II

What is up with couples setting each other aflame? Just for the record, the women haven't fared too well in this category. Guys 2, Girls 0.

U.S. Forces Free Hostages in Baghdad Raid

Okay. See that headline? "U.S. Forces Free Hostages..."

Now, look how the BBC reports that same rescue:
Special forces free Iraq hostages

The word "American" is not used in context with the rescue. Not once. Our allies, the British. Thanks, BBC, for fair and balanced reporting.

Venezuelan Recall Vote Set for Aug. 15

Hmm...
I hear Caracas is nice this time of year...

Java Lava

A hot time for tourists at 2 Indonesian volcanoes. 2 tourists caught some football-sized rocks. They lost the toss...

Dallas, Texas Regional Loop by Intellicast

this weather sucks.
just thought I'd point that out.

Dave's Daily - Bizarre News - Top Doc Backs Picking Your Nose And Eating It

Gag me with a booger. Eeewwww.

When Chalupas are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Chalupas

Stop the insanity. Think about the children.

Bad Apples

Scroll down to "Bad Apples." This is what the Democratic Party has become: petulant and unpatriotic.

Jesse Jackson Tells Liberals 'Right Wing Is Not That Popular' -- 06/07/2004

And here I thought the rev was dead. Hmph.

Perhaps he should check the latest information that shows the Republican Party pulls in more donors that donate the minimum ammounts while the Democrat Party pulls in less donors, but that donate the maximum ammount.

You gotta just love the libbys, why let the truth ruin a good speech?

Western Airliners May Be al-Qaida Target

The terrorists are such brave lads. I imagine they're finding out the hard way in Iraq (and elsewhere) that Americans with guns know how to shoot and are willing to do so.
Back to picking on people who don't fight back. How brave.

Ex-'Baywatch' Star Hasselhoff Arrested

I want to get drunk every time I hear this guy sing. I couldn't imagine having to be myself and listen to that all the time and stay sober...

Satellite images 'show Atlantis'

how cool would this be if true?

neato.

Tin Foil Prank!

That'll teach you to go on vacation...

Passion's Flames

Geez. Some grudge.

Gaye Males

Surely that's her married name, huh?

Milton Bradley Suspended for Four Games

I don't know what's more amusing: that someone actually named their child Milton Bradley, or the fact that he threw a temper tantrum playing a kid's game.

Bad Dog

Gives a new meaning to the term "dog food," huh?

The dog's name: Buddy.

Top Ten Reasons to Defeat Bush

If you didn't think that the libby, whining bastards in our country are firmly allied with the communists and socialists, check this link out. Yet another reason why the Democrats are nothing more than modern day Soviets - they just don't have the balls to admit it.

Pee Pee Island Village, Beach Resort & Spa , Thailand

Ahhhh....
Now this sounds like a relieving vacation spot.

D-Day 1899 and President Denzel Washington is leading liberation of New Zealand from the Nazi's

English schoolkids...they so crazy.

Pretty sad state of affairs, actually. Shows how much the American involvement in WWII really means to most Euros.

Cool Tornado Pic

Really. That's all.

Boys Will Be Boys

Oh, my mercy. Two 10-year-old boys and a bulldozer. What could go wrong? Oh, about half a million dollars worth of wrong, that's what.

Error Reports Overwhelm Microsoft Worker

Talk about a sucky job. Save a geek and please, for her sake, hit the "Don't Send Error Report" button instead.

Kerry heckled

You gotta love it.

"Are you paying tribute to all the people you spat on, Senator Kerry?"

Kerry flips off Vietnam Vet

dignified, eh?

Howard Dean starts syndicated column

The company for which Mr. Dean writes is named Cagle Cartoons. 'nuf said.

Andrew C. McCarthy on Iraq on National Review Online

Connections between Iraq and 9/11?? Nah.

However, you can learn a bit about why the libbys don't ever learn any of this information. It's a long read and would probably tax their mental capacity.

CBS News | Caught On Tape: South Beach Riot | June 1, 2004?13:50:19

what riot?? looks like just a handful of idiots gettin' it on.

George Bush the Elder on Michael Moore

"I have total disdain for Moore ... It's a free country, so he's free to say whatever he wants. But I don't appreciate it. I don't like it."

--Former president GEORGE BUSH on MICHAEL MOORE and his film "Fahrenheit 9/11," which is critical of his son, President GEORGE W. BUSH, in the New York Daily News. The elder Bush also called Moore a "slimeball."

Pretty much sums it up for me, too. It's the irony of a truly free society. You can say whatever you like, even if it's a complete lie, and you're protected by the same Constitution that protects responsible members of society. Moore's an irresponsible, money-hungry hypocrite who's no better than the targets of his crockumentaries.

Memorial Day

Today, I asked my 13-year-old daughter what Memorial Day was meant to celebrate. She said, "to remember men and women who died for our country."

I am a very proud father today.

Molly Ivins

You have to wonder when the liberals - who are inherently disgusted with the military and despise the military as an instrument of foriegn policy - start to talk about how great a retired general is. Not only that, but Ms. Ivins should probably read the Weekly Standard article that lays out the connections between Iraq and al quada. But then again, when have the libbys ever let the truth get in the way?

U.S. to abandon N. Korea project - The Washington Times: Nation/Politics - May 28, 2004

"The reactors were to be built under the 1994 Agreed Framework that was supposed to have ended all nuclear-weapons development by North Korea. The discovery of Pyongyang's uranium-enrichment program led to a collapse of the Agreed Framework and to the current six-party talks. "


Thank you, President Clinton. You're an idiot.

Iraqi weapons pipeline probed - The Washington Times: Nation/Politics - May 25, 2004

looks like it's time to open up a can o' whoop ass in Syria.

Man who shot himself sentenced to ten years

Adding federal jail time to injury.

A convicted felon accidentally shoots himself. In the groin. Wait, convicted felons can't have access to guns (I've heard this somewhere...). So...it's off to the big house. Sucks to be him.

What's Wrong With THIS Picture?

I don't even know how to comment on this one...

How about:
I feel like chicken tonight.

/I got nothin. a little help.

'Death to America' chanted again in Iran

I reckon those godless heathens don't do an invocation to open parliament, huh?

The Connection

Pray tell why we don't hear anything about this in the media or in the vaunted halls of Congress.

Jessica May Play Daisy in 'Dukes' Movie

can't wait to see this one. really.

Streisand Ordered to Pay $177,000 in Lawsuit

poor babs

- U.S. Says Soldier in Lynch's Unit Was Executed

So where's the outrage over the treatment of an American prisoner in Iraqi hands?
Just curious.

School Honors Boy Who Got 'Crybaby Award'

Do you hear it?? The WAAAAAAMBULANCE is just around the corner.

The Seattle Times: Local News: Disaster film has scientists laughing

whatever happened to Hollywood making movies that were just simple entertainment?

Bill Cosby Stands Behind Critical Comments

If the outrage over what Bill Cosby said is bad, imagine how bad it would have been if a white guy said the same thing...

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | McCartney speaks out against war

a perfect example of why singers should just shut up and sing and keep their mouth shut the rest of the time.

Tail-Heavy Plane

MD-11 pops a wheelie.

Victor Davis Hanson on National Review Online

smart man.

ABCNEWS.com : New Alcohol Details in Jackson Case

Nope, he's not a freak. Nope. Yeah, he has a skin disease. Riiiight.

What's in a Name?

Man's name a big turn-off for girls.

Long Duck Dong he ain't.

Harshin' His Monkey-Buzz, Dude...

50-pound baboon gets loose at the zoo.

Hey...can I get some of that dart-juice to-go, please?

74 graduates defy drug-free night

Put this one in the "irony" category. Drug & alcolhol-free night at New York Six Flags!

What Not to Wear to Court

Momma always says, stupid is as stupid does, ma'am.

And the award goes to...

That would be the Redneck Dumb-Ass award, of course.

Baseball is full of freak injuries

Gesundheit. Yes, you heard it here first - the career-ending sneeze.

I love this line: "Sharp objects have consistently been a challenge for baseball players." Good thing they play with balls.

Yahoo! News - U.S. Warns Of Al Qaeda Threat This Summer

That information dovetails with other intelligence "chatter" suggesting that al Qaeda operatives are pleased with the change in government resulting from the March 11 terrorist bombings in Spain and may want to affect elections in the United States and other countries.


"They saw that an attack of that nature can have economic and political consequences and have some impact on the electoral process," said one federal official with access to counterterrorism intelligence.


So, to put this in language that you folks in Rio Linda can understand, the terrorists are wanting to effect our upcoming elections because they think it's in their best interest to have John Kerry be the next President.

"Khaaan!"

A must see.

Your Chihuahua Wants Cheese for Dinner

DNA Study Finds Chihuahuas Aren't Dogs.

Not really. Still a funny article.

05-23-04 North Texas S2000 Owners Club Autocross

Yep. I was there. Yep. It was fun. Yep. I'm doin' it again!!

DenverPost.com - LOCAL NEWS

hey, do you hear it?? It's coming, it's the WAAAAAAAMBULANCE!! The Colorado Guv makes a couple of funny French jokes and the poor widdle frenchies are upset.

Ahhh, the French, they're always there when they needed us.

Yahoo! News - Tests Confirm Sarin Gas in Baghdad Bomb

You just gotta love it. The media simply refuses to publish anything that makes the Bush administration look good. Yes, mustard gas was found. Yes, sarin was found. BUT, they came from old, pre 1991 stockpiles, therefore, we were all misled into supporting a war against Iraq.

The New York Times > International > Europe > Russian Scientist Dies in Ebola Accident at Former Weapons Lab

oops

Scotsman.com News - Latest News - Al Qaida 'Has 18,000 Terrorists Waiting to Attack'

looks like we're gonna need some more bullets, JR.

WorldNetDaily: Pundit: Michael Moore faked interview

what?? Michael Moore lied?? Now who would believe that?
Other than the French, of course.

IHT: Shrine hit 2nd time in a month

Gee, and people ask me why I can't stand the New York Times.

Title - Shrine hit 2nd time in a month.
Sub title - But damage is minor amid Najaf clashes

So, for the folks that just read the titles of the paper, it really looks like, once again, the US has screwed the pooch. The Times can kiss my ass.

BBC NEWS | Americas | Sharks attack Brazilian bathers

Caramba

Hollywood's chilling disaster movie puts spotlight on global warming

Let me get this right. One volcanic eruption puts more pollution into the environment than mankind has in it's entire combined history. But we humans are somehow at fault for global catastrophic warming.

Until the day comes that the weathermen can report with some degree of accuracy that they're actually right more than they're wrong - for TODAY'S forecast, I'm not worrying about it too much.

Oh yeah, Al Gore is an idiot.

New intelligence suggests terror operatives in U.S. for major attack

looks like the carbine is going back in the car.

We're Number One!

Dallas once again No. 1 big city for crime.

The Houston Chronicle couldn't wait to point this one out...

Do you have "wacko whorls"?

Don't blame it on the humidity - it's Mom's fault. OK, or Dad's fault. Or maybe it's the mutant fruit fly's fault...

Lesbian Moms a Growing U.S. Phenomenon

Shipping semen is no longer just for the U.S. Navy.

Asashoryu nails Emperor's Cup

The Japan Times Online. All Sumo, All the Time.

15 Children. 15.

Yahoo! News - Arkansas Family Celebrates 15th Child

Jackson Duggar, son of Jim Bob and Mary. Welcome. I think.

Does anyone else hear banjo music?

There is Joshua, 16; Jana and John-David, 14; Jill, 13; Jessa, 11; Jinger, 10; Joseph, 9; Josiah, 7; Joy-Anna, 6; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 5; Jason, 4; James, 2; and Justin, 1.

The Heart-warming Tale of the Prodigal Parakeet

Yahoo! News - Fred the Parakeet Returns After 4 Years

Stupid bird. *snif*

FORE!

Yahoo! News - No Grass, No Greens, But Golf Is Back in Kabul

Now mine-free!

How many strokes for hitting a live grenade?

Protest.Net

Well, shucks. Can't believe I missed the Militant Lesbian Vegan Community Outreach Party.