27 March 2006

Crazy Sanity-Challenged People and the Internets (Part III)

It's that time of the year again, kids, where we visit the Internets to see some of the insane diverse views of our world, and a few other worlds. And dimensions. And planes of existence. And planes that fly into buildings. This seemed like a good time for this redux, given the influx of abnormal visitors we've gotten recently. Shiny side out, kids!

I guess crazy people have been around for as long as there have been 'normal' people, but it wasn't until the advent of the Internets that I've had to put up with them. I mean, how often do you actually physically meet a bonafide loony and have them foist their nutty ideas on you, really? Never fear, though - a casual stroll through the web will avail you of all sorts of conspiracy theorists, wannabe superstars, and just plain old-fashioned whackos who now have a medium through which they can share their lunacy with the rest of humankind.

What's that you say? You don't know what I'm talking about? Be deprived no longer. Look, linger over their particular brand of whackiness, and don't forget to buy their products!

The New Physics. I guess the old ones were worn out. Let's take a look at this prophetic site:
Israel has promised to attack Iran before March 21, the new moon, Passover
Oops. This site is another fine example of shitty graphics, over-sized fonts, and generally lunatic ranting and raving about whatever apparently entered this person's festering psyche at the moment the muse struck him at the keyboard. But where are the physics??? Scroll about halfway down the page for the introduction, where you can learn about flying saucer physics! Neato.

Orbit is interesting. If by interesting you mean horribly confusing, rambling, incoherent psychotic rants about chemtrails, earthquakes, and those devil-worshipping Bushes. Actual headline:
UPDATE: 9-11 PLANES REMOTE-CONTROLLED BY A PLATFORM IN SPACE
Nope, nothing out of the ordinary here!

Armageddon Online. Can't tell yer megatsunamis from your pandemics without this site! Did you know a wave thousands of feet high will someday hit New York? It's on the Internets, so it must be true!

Swami Sananda - one of my all-time fave loonies, and the one whose ass I want to kick the most. An aggravating website resplendent with unwanted new-age music, horrible HTML and graphics, and lots and lots of pics of Swami Bananarama. He's the coo-cookiest, man. Update: looks like the site's a little smaller these days, but at least it has an enormous scary picture and some crappy new age music!

Think About It. Looks like someone is collecting loony sites. Nice hobby.

The Reptilians. Who are they really? Who really cares? This crazy person does. Buy her music!

Thule makes mincemeat of Mensa! An alliterative nutball. Cool.

Archure (it's a copyrighted name). Turn your speakers up for this one, kids! Archure's a musical genius. Just ask him. Let's face it, there's not that many musical geniuses writing MIDI music anymore. Mostly because it sucks. Visit the Music page and be amazed! Pure genius. My ears are bleeding from the sheer pleasure.

Crystalinks. Ellie Crystal's a psychic! Neato! She got abducted by aliens! Sweet! She's from Brooklyn! ick. Craptacular site.

Infowars.com - Alex Jones hates everything, apparently. Especially the government. Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Update: make sure you read about Charlie Sheen's opinion on 9/11, because we should all listen to substance-abusing actors when it comes to matters of state.

Jeff Rense must have the same water supply as Alex Jones. Mercy. If the volume of crap you put out equals truth, Jeff is the mullet-wearing man!

I've noticed a disturbing trend with most of these sites - a complete lack of visual acuity and any taste whatsoever. They have dozens of pages, and each page is about a mile long. It's called "hyperlinking," people. Use it. Don't believe me? Take a look at DREAMS OF THE GREAT EARTH CHANGES. Cover your eyes, then use the scroll wheel on your mouse. A lot.

This is making me tired, and that means the rays are taking control of my mind. Must...get...rest...sleep...consume...reproduce....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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