Texas Family Finds Baby Opossum in Toilet

Yessir, nothing says lifetime emotional scars for children like wild animals in your toilet. And just for the record, it's "possum."

Minnesota Company Closes Texas Tortilla Plant

Welcome to Texas. Now go home.

Just like "Dave's Famous Barbecue," also from Minnesota. The most awful so-called "barbecue" I ever assaulted my mouth with. If by "famous" you mean "soaked in salt like so much pork in a barrel of brine," then yeah - it was famous. It was also crap. I predicted they would last no more than 6 months here. They lasted 3 months.

Minnesota-made tortillas? No es bueno por ca-ca.

Voice of Tony the Tiger dead at age 91

Dang. Two icons of my youth dead in the same week. Good thing I'm not getting any older...

Geez. I couldn't think of a smart-ass remark for this one.

National Masturbation Month Reaches Climax On May 28

This year marks the 10th anniversary of National Masturbation Month and while most people will “celebrate” in private, organizer and sex expert Dr. Carol Queen expects at least 100 self-proclaimed self-lovers will gather in San Francisco for a hands-on charity event benefitting the Center for Sex and Culture.

I hope somebody busts these nuts.

GOP gunslinging in D.C.

I really don't like the Christian Science Monitor. First off, the whole Christian Science cult deserves a good fisking, but I'm not up to that task. Here's where they're really tickin' me off: they're gun-control advocates. This editorial I've linked is a prime demonstration of the type of crap people have been brainwashed into believing. Vis-a-vis:

Apparently those of us living in the nation's capital are being denied our Second Amendment rights and, well, she's just trying to help.

This just in: you are being denied your Second Amendment freedoms. Washington, D.C. enjoys one of the highest gun crime rates in the nation. Any clues why? Hello? Anyone? Bueller?

The whole tone of this "editorial" is utterly condescending and completely anti-gun. It's uninformed, and filled with half-truths and out-and-out lies:

There's the fact that the courts have decided that laws like the District's, which prohibits handguns, aren't any sort of violation of the Constitution, so we aren't really being denied anything - that's probably why the senator and her friends aren't going to court to have the D.C. rules thrown out.

But wait, don't forget ignorance:

But perhaps the most confounding part of this proposal is this: why is the Republican Party, the party of states' rights, deciding that in this case the federal government should supersede the will of the people living in the District? When did the GOP suddenly become the party that believes the federal government knows best?

State's rights? Washington is unique in that, under the Constitution, Congress has ultimate say over how it is governed, even though the 563,000 residents have no senator and only a nonvoting delegate in the House.

Once again, it's just proof that anti-gunners will say anything to advance their misguided cause.

Gun control activist to auction off finger-cutting device

This is a story about an anti-gun activist who cut off the tip of his finger as a protest.

'When I did it, people said I was crazy,' said Gonzalez, a former Bridgeport city councilman. 'I wonder what they are saying now.'

Oooh, ooooh!!! I know the answer!

Still crazy. $50,000 is the price he's looking for. Unless that finger's a viable kidney, good luck, ya loony.

UPDATE:
I actually visited the eBay auction and offered a comment. Within moments, I got a reply. Here's the exchange in it's entirety:

Dear JR,

You asked:
"I'll open the bidding if you'll use that thing on your head. Idiot."

PLEASE SPECIFY WICH HEAD .

Touche' man. Touche'

Voice of Fred Flintstone, Henry Corden dies at 85

Yabba-dabba-dead!

Science Forum

I was doing a little self-affirmation, and searching for "Texican Tattler" on the Internets. The link above goes to a forum where none other than Archimedes Plutonium (super genius) is prattling on about how his name is somehow associated with porn sites or somesuch. In any event, the Texican Tattler has somehow gotten into this embroglio. What's sad is that a so-called super genius doesn't know the difference between random spam and the results of a Google search.

We need some smarter geniuses, people.

Eight

Cartwright and two other men duped the victim, Nick Moraida, 37, into thinking they were homosexuals offering to share beer with him at a park along Corpus Christi Bay in 1996. Instead, Moraida was stabbed then shot to death while being robbed of his watch and wallet.

Seven

Wolfe, 44, was on parole from Louisiana and had fled a work-release program when he was arrested for the 1992 slaying of Bertha Lemell in her Beaumont home. Lemell had been stabbed 26 times. Around $40 was believed taken from her change purse, which also contained some black-eyed peas she carried for good luck.

Gun control plan full of holes - PittsburghLIVE.com

This is a great little op-ed on Pennsylvania's latest attempt to control your life. My favorite quote:

Besides, the priority should not be disqualifying identified terrorists from possessing firearms. A much more effective tack would be to disqualify identified terrorists from possessing a pulse.

Cops: Tattoo fits the crime

Granted, this guy is incredibly stupid, but you have to admire his appreciation of crappy firearms.

I guess what caught my eye was that this guy had not committed any gun crimes per se, aside from possession of illegal firearms (2 sawed-off shotguns - really bad). Because it's Massachusetts, though, this guys in deep doo-doo.

Nice profile picture of his well-trained beer belly, too.

Fonda flick doesn't fly in Hardin County

This is the best article I've seen in a long time! I want to send this guy $7 for the movie ticket I'll never buy.

May Hanoi Jane rot in hell for what she did and the suffering she caused. To abuse the very people that guarantee the freedoms she takes for granted. It is not the writer that gives you free speach, it is the soldier.

It's good to know that there are still people in this country that have the moral backbone to give up a few dollars to stand by their principles.

'Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith': Some Surprises in That Galaxy Far, Far Away

At one point, Darth Vader, already deep in the thrall of the dark side and echoing the words of George W. Bush, hisses at Obi-Wan, 'If you're not with me, you're my enemy.' Obi-Wan's response is likely to surface as a bumper sticker during the next election campaign: 'Only a Sith thinks in absolutes.'

Only the New York Times would try to rub their BS politics into this movie. How typical.

I still can't wait for the movie to come out, however.

Newsweek says Koran desecration report is wrong -

You may have noticed, dear reader, that I was pretty freaking pissed off about the report that our forces desecrated the koran in Gitmo.

Now I am totally pissed off. Turns out it looks like Newsweek pulled this story out of their ass. It's almost deja vu, all we need now is Dan Rather reporting it and it will be George Bush's records all over again.

When will the American Media remember that they are first and foremost, American?

When will the American Public realize that the American media is full of shinola?

It is starting to look very much to me like the American media is nothing but a bunch of traitorous whores and I for one ain't paying their bar tab any more.

Woman seriously injured after crashing into tree in Boynton: South Florida Sun-Sentinel

After Boynton Beach Fire Rescue freed her, she was flown to Delray Beach Medical Center, where crack cocaine was found in her underwear, police said.

Yeah, but was it clean underwear?

Protests Spread After Report of U.S. Desecration of Koran

How special. Anyone doubt that Islam needs to come into the 21st century? Hell, I'd be happy if they'd embrace the 18th century as a start.

I am sick and tired of hearing the whining and complaining around the world when the United States does something that some third world asshole finds offensive. How about drinking a nice can of STFU, eh?

I don't recall seeing folks on the Gaza strip upset when the planes hit the WTC. In fact, I seem to recall seeing those fanatics dancing in the streets.

I also don't recall seeing any Christian martyrs blowing themselves up (not even the Catholics!) when pieces of "art" went on display showing holy images to the Christian faith imersed in urine, or stained with feces.

But hey! Whenever the big bad United States of American offends some turd somewhere in the world, let's start burning the flag and blowing up innocent civilians.

Typical BS , and frankly, I'm sick and tired of it. Screw them and the horse they rode in on.

Print Story: Rice: Gun Rights Important As Free Speech on Yahoo! News

Print Story: Rice: Gun Rights Important As Free Speech on Yahoo! News

Oh my gosh! A politician that makes sense, can think for herself and doesn't simply blow the party line.

The 2nd Amendment is not about sport, hunting or even concealed carry. It is about preventing a repressive government from taking control of the people. It's about the people having a means to defend itself from such a government.

And Condi understands this concept. I know a lot of people don't like Condi, I don't understand why, but she sounds pretty smart to me. And obviously she has a spine because she's not pandering to the gun-nazis by trying to find the illustrious "middle ground."

Way to go Condi!

Alex Chiu's Eternal Life Device

If you scroll down the page, you'll see I have a couple of banners to Alex Chiu's web site, where you can order your own immortality devices. That's right, kids. Just wear these rings and live forever. Get younger, even! Do they work? Well, any immortality device that comes with a 90-day guarantee is good enough for me!

Click away - it'll get me my very own immortality rings, and I can update this blog forever!

Texas cheerleaders can still 'Drop It Like It's Hot'

The update you've all been waiting for.

Florence Shapiro, who chairs the Senate Education Committee said senators have been "cackling" about the bill and were surprised the House took time to debate it.

"We have so many big issues that haven't been resolved," Shapiro said, citing school finance and a tax bill among others.

"This isn't even on the radar."

Yep - she's my senator.

Texas bank robber with toy gun slain

A 60-year-old woman dressed in black, armed with a toy gun and driving a motor home robbed a bank in east Texas on Thursday, then led police on a low-speed chase before she was shot and killed when she allegedly pointed her fake revolver at officers.

The woman was identified by Tyler, Texas, police as Peggy Jo Tallas, an ex-convict who became known as 'Cowboy Bob' in 1992 after she pleaded guilty to robbing a bank in Mesquite, Texas, of $13,000 while dressed in a cowboy hat, sunglasses, a fake beard and mustache, and other Western attire.

If ABC doesn't make a TV movie of this, I will.

Unfortunate name

'Orgasm Day' Celebrated As Official City Holiday

Those crazy Brazillians. Dammit, I miss all the fun! Oh well, maybe next year...

Master Yoda's Blog

Help you get warmed up for the new movie it will. Amusing it is.

Lamborghini Murcielago Roadster: A bat out of hell

The Lamborghini Murcielargo Roadster - the road test co-driver got a nosebleed from the power of its brakes.

I have got to get me one of these.

Florida boosts gun rights, igniting a debate

Ah, the Christian Science Monitor. THE news outlet for a cult. They were basically benign, as far as I'm concerned, until this article. I always thought their politics were liberal, but this tears it.

When 16-year-old Mark Drewes knocked on a neighbor's door in Boca Raton, Fla., and then ran away as a prank, he was shot dead by homeowner Jay Levin. Mr. Levin, who said afterward that he mistook the boy for a robber out to attack him, was sentenced to 52 weekends in jail for manslaughter.
Now, 18 months later [emphasis mine--jr], the state has enacted a law that opponents fear will only encourage more gun owners like Levin to adopt a "shoot first, think later" approach - and this time get away without punishment. But others see the new measure, which allows people to meet "force with force" in public places without fear of punishment, as a vital way for people to protect their homes and families.

We've been down this road before on this blog. Back in the day (18 years ago), when concealed carry was passed in Florida, anti-gunners predicted "blood in the streets." Now that you don't have to retreat from being attacked, they're predicting OK Corral scenarios.

Give it up, people. This argument is just as lame as the ones you used 18 years ago. As for the kid above, well, that sucks. No doubt about it. But it's got not one damned thing to do with this law. It's just anti-gunners dancing in the blood of innocents. In case you've not yet noticed, it's one of their favorite tactics, and it's just as distasteful as it sounds.

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight

FYI: This story's a fake.

In other news, there's a Cambodian Midget Fighting League.

The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

Well, it's official. I've seen everything now.

Death row inmate dies of apparent suicide

Huh. Guess he couldn't wait.

Reason: Straight Shooting on Gun Control: A Reason debate

Pretty good read. I'm still digesting it, but it presents a more reasonable approach to the issue of gun control. I don't agree with the concept of "gun control" (as commonly referenced) at all, but I agree there need to be gun laws. What's "reasonable" is apparently pretty subjective, and to date, hasn't been dictated by logic (the so-called "assault weapons ban," for example).

There's a counter-point, too. Comments?

Texas lawmakers vote to ban suggestive cheerleading

Since I've got a horse in this race, I'm gonna give you my $.02 worth. My daughter has been a competitive cheerleader for several years now, and recently tried out for and made the freshman cheerleading squad at the high school she's attending in the fall. Not only that, but she's one of 3 freshmen selected for their competition squad, composed of upper classmen.

I've seen a lot of cheerleading over the years. I've even been the announcer at the NCA National Cheerleading Championships back in the day. I can't even begin to imagine what the definition of "suggestive cheerleading" might be.

What's the standard that will be used to determine what is suggestive, lewd, or inappropriate? This hearkens back to the 60's debate over what constituted "pornography." The Supreme Court won't want any part of this debate, either.

Texas lawmakers need to stay away from this one. In Texas, cheerleader moms can have you whacked.

Burrito Leads To School Lockdown, Armed Officers On Roof Tops

Gee, do you think that we're carrying this zero tolerance a little too far?? Nahhhhh.

But I will say this:

If the Pimp Daddy had eaten that burrito, it likely could have been used as a lethal weapon.

Trust me.

Jury Returns Death Sentence in GI Killings

I'm glad to hear this SOB gets the needle. Deliberately killing your team-mates in wartime should get the hangman. Period.

Now, does anyone else find it odd that the media has pretty much been dead quiet about this? Have you also thought that if this was a white guy, who happened to be, let's say, Catholic - that this wouldn't be plastered all over the place as a racist act of a desperate religious zealot.

But, as has been pointed out here before, if you are of minority status and of a peaceful, loving religion like Islam, then we don't really like talking about this stuff.

I mean, it's not till you get mid-way through this story that you see: "My life will not be complete unless America is destroyed."

Good riddance.

Ga. Woman Found, Reportedly Got Cold Feet

All we have been hearing since Tuesday was how this woman had gone missing. It led every news show I have seen. She left her wallet, keys, and everything else at home and went jogging. Nobody had seen or heard from her since.
I fell asleep on my couch last night while watching The Fox News Channel. I woke up about 3am to Greta Van Susteren interviewing the woman's relieved and elated family members. They had been told that she was abducted by a Mexican-American male and a white woman who were driving a blue van, and was released in New Mexico. I was genuinely relieved and happy for everybody whose world had been turned upside down because they had feared the worst for the last four days. I also thought about how lucky she was that she didn't end up dead at the hands of her kidnappers. One of the things I have hammered into my wife's head is NEVER go to crime scene number two. If somebody is trying to get you to go someplace, avoid it at all costs. If they are going to harm you, make them do it right there and hopefully you will get help from a witness or somebody that happens by. If they are taking you someplace, it will likely be to a remote area with no help for miles. I thought to myself "Well, she went to crime scene number two and was let go. Lucky."
When I woke up this morning after finally going to bed, I turned on the news to find out that she had made it all up.
The man who owns the Cafe where she lives, who had provided the searchers with coffee and sandwiches said it best.

Ryan Kelly, owner of the Park Cafe a few blocks from Wilbanks' house, which gave out coffee and sandwiches to searchers, said he was glad Wilbanks was alive and healthy. "But that being said, this is one of the most selfish and self-centered acts I've ever seen. We saw her parents, and you could see the anguish in their eyes. It was terrible," he said. "I don't care where you are — unless you're in the Amazon rainforest, you'd know everybody was out looking for you."

If her fiancee wants to go through with the wedding he should take the appointment after hers to get his head examined.

Happy Birthday, You Murderous Bastard!

It's Saddam Hussein's Birthday. I can only hope it's the last one he will see.
I posted a picture of him celebrating with some friends on a previous Birthday. ; )

A Meme That Stinks

Julie with a B tagged me with the turd in a punchbowl meme. So, I cogitated for all of about 5 seconds and penned this pearl of pulchritudinous potty poetry:

Turd in a punchbowl
What a crappy meme
Turd in a punchbowl
What a poopy theme

Don't like it? Tough. It's my blog.

Officer's Gun Falls From Pants, Shoots Man In Other Bathroom Stall

Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark. On the cop and the San Antonio Police Department, that is. Kids, the lesson to be learned here is NEVER, EVER try to catch a falling gun, m'kay?

Wild Hogs Mangling Fields in Texas

"Bring an AK-47, because that's what you'll need," Canton cattle rancher Don Metch said.

'Nuff said. Sounds like a hog-hunting trip is in order...

Florida Governor Signs Deadly Force Law

Florida no longer requires you attempt to flee before you can use deadly force in self-defense.

I'd say it's about time. In Texas, deadly force is justified if you are in "imminent and immediate" fear for your (or another person's) safety (as in fear of death or bodily injury), just the same as law enforcement. There is NO requirement to flee, particularly in your own home. The states that still require attempted retreat are kidding themselves, and just opening themselves up for lawsuits.

Altered Pledge of Allegiance stuns students

Instead of "one nation, under God," the voice said, "one nation, under your belief system."

Principal Kathleen Norton, who normally leads the Pledge but was out of the building at the time, apologized to students Thursday and sent home letters of apology yesterday.

It's good to see the school officials actually condemning this idiot. It seems like more often than not, schools land on the wrong side of issues like this. We are not talking about school prayer here. We are talking about the Pledge of Allegiance. If someone has a problem with pledging allegiance to the flag, then they have a right to stand there and be quiet. Then, hopefully during recess they become the victim of an atomic wedgie at the hands of good America loving children.

Mexican army's poorer weapons may have cost it Texas

I read this article today and wanted to revisit the subject of the Battle of San Jacinto. This article is about a Texas high school teacher's hypothesis that Santa Anna's men were outgunned by General Sam Houston's men and their weapon of choice, The American Kentucky Rifle. It's pretty interesting. I also included a link below for more information on the Kentucky Rifle.

There were Springfields in Houston's army, muskets of various manufacture, maybe even a few Brown Besses. But the vast majority, probably over 500, carried the weapon of choice — the American Kentucky rifle."

http://www.americanlongrifles.com/american-longrifle-kentucky-rifle-story.htm

Pope Benedict XVI

I have heard people talk about everything from his conservative stance on homosexuality to his days in the Hitler youth, but I find it strange that nobody ever mentions his acting career.

Big Gay Elton Gets Ready To Take the Plunge

They're so darn cute, just makes you want to puke. No wait, scratch that - it just makes you want to puke, period.

Why the Liberals Can't Keep Air America From Spiraling In

I almost choked on my water when I saw this had been printed in the LA times....

ABC News: Secret FBI Report Highlights Domestic Terror

Another interesting report about domestic terror groups - and this one from the FBI appears to take the opposite view from the DHS report. Far as I can tell, no right wing groups listed here?

Maybe the DHS is going after the lefties and the FBI is going after the right wing kooks??

Who knows. But I find it interesting to note that you don't find the same tone in the ABC story about how no left wing groups were listed....

CQ.comAnimal Rights Groups and Ecology Militants Make DHS Terrorist List, Right-Wing Vigilantes Omitted

I wish we were to the point in our society when we could call a spade a spade. It would appear that CQ is upset that militant white guys didn't make the list of terrorists for the DHS. Well, for the record, if you're a terrorist asshole, white, green, yellow, brown or red, your ass outta be on the list.
I am happy that we have at last labled the leftists groups as terrorists. Now, if the DHS can just get its shit together and list em all, regardless of political persuasion, we'll be better off.
The tone of this article does lead me to wonder if it would have been written if the white terror groups were listed and the leftist groups were not?

The Battle of San Jacinto

On this day in Texas history the battle of San Jacinto was fought. It was the decisive battle in the Texas revolutionary war. This is a very interesting read that covers the battle as well as the events prior to the battle.

According to Houston's official report, the casualties were 630 Mexicans killed and 730 taken prisoner. Against this, only nine of the 910 Texans were killed or mortally wounded and thirty were wounded less seriously. Houston's ankle was shattered by a rifle ball. The Texans captured a large supply of muskets, pistols, sabers, mules, horses, provisions, clothing, tents, and $12,000 in silver. Santa Anna disappeared during the battle...

This sounds like an ass kicking of monumental proportions.

Chinese men measure up below the belt

Yeah, whatever. But here's the important part:

It found that a man's height bore no relation to the length of his member, but those with higher body mass indexes, or fat content, appeared to have shorter penises.

So you fat guys may live longer, but but us skinny guys will live "longer."

Execution by injection far from painless

They examined post-mortem blood levels of anaesthetic and believe that prisoners may have been capable of feeling pain in almost 90% of cases and may have actually been conscious when they were put to death in over 40% of cases.

This is just heartbreaking. To think some murderous scumbags may have suffered momentarily as they receive their punishment. That is what I call justice.

Fla. man puts car 'out of its misery' with pistol

A 1994 Chrysler LeBaron. He goes to jail for killing his POS car, but Terry Schiavo...ah, nevermind.

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your Linguistic Profile:
60% General American English
30% Dixie
5% Midwestern
5% Yankee
0% Upper Midwestern

That's me. Surprised at the Yankee, though. Must be the people I run with...

Verizon CEO scoffs at technology hopes

Uh-oh. This guy's made all the geeks mad now. Not only does he think we're too demanding for expecting our mobile phones to work in our *gasp* homes, but he's saying municipal Wi-fi is a bad idea, too. Gee, I wonder why the phone company would have a problem with that? I guess all that money we're paying for our phone service doesn't entitle us to continuous service improvements, huh? We should just pay our bills, and be happy we even get to use their crappy service.

CDC Links Extra Pounds, Lower Death Risk

Packing on the pounds is not nearly as deadly as the government thought, according to a new calculation from the CDC that found people who are modestly overweight actually have a lower risk of death than those of normal weight.

WOO HOO, I WIN!

Double-Header, Texas Style

Texas leads the nation with 340 executions since resuming capital punishment in 1982 after the lifting of a death penalty by the U.S. Supreme Court. It was the last state to kill two people on the same night.

That was almost 5 years ago. Now, 2 more murderers will face the Reaper tomorrow night.

Something Awful (Reprise)

I recently had a post about Engrish, and another one about Something Awful. As if they were reading my blog mind, Something Awful did a Comedy Goldmine piece on Engrish.

This is making happy my super fun time.

Ted Nugent to Fellow NRAers: Get Hardcore

"To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."

I love this guy. As radical as this may sound to the libs, I want to ask them, why should we as a society let criminals victimize us? Why, if I wake up in the middle of the night and somebody is in my home, or if an armed scumbag is trying to rob me, or if they are attempting to rape a woman, or kidnap a child, should we be okay with letting them go and hoping they are caught and punished by our criminal justice system? I am not advocating vigilantism, what I am advocating, as Mr. Nugent is, is the right for us to protect ourselves as well as our friends and families. Go armed and be prepared to defend yourself against criminals.

COULTER RIPS MAG PHOTO 'DISTORTION'

Ann Coulter is not happy about her picture on the cover of Time magazine. Granted, it does make her nice legs look like pencils, but for those of us who love her, I can assure you it looks fine. I happen to think she is a very attractive woman. I have seen and heard liberals bashing her and trying to make fun of her looks, like the other night on Saturday Night Live, but I just don't get it. She is hot!
They cannot compete with her on the issues so they resort to doing what liberals do best. They attack her personally. It's like what is going on with Tom DeLay. They can't beat him at the ballot box, so they try to ruin his credibility as well as attack him personally. Don't worry about it Ann, you look great.

To be fair and balanced I am also posting a couple of magazine covers of President Clinton that were not very flattering.

Eureka! Extraordinary discovery unlocks secrets of the ancients

Thousands of previously illegible manuscripts containing work by some of the greats of classical literature are being read for the first time using technology which experts believe will unlock the secrets of the ancient world.

Among treasures already discovered by a team from Oxford University are previously unseen writings by classical giants including Sophocles, Euripides and Hesiod. Invisible under ordinary light, the faded ink comes clearly into view when placed under infra-red light, using techniques developed from satellite imaging.

The Oxford documents form part of the great papyrus hoard salvaged from an ancient rubbish dump in the Graeco-Egyptian town of Oxyrhynchus more than a century ago. The thousands of remaining documents, which will be analysed over the next decade, are expected to include works by Ovid and Aeschylus, plus a series of Christian gospels which have been lost for up to 2,000 years.

This is pretty incredible. Imagine what was lost when the library at Alexandria burned. This doesn't make up for it, but it's bound to produce some interesting insights to the ancient world.

Mouth to Pecker for Choking Chicken

It warms my heart to see what friends will do for each other.

Woman reports apartment’s third burglary in five months

Can't make this stuff up, folks.

"Sometime between 7:35 a.m. and 4 p.m. Wednesday, someone entered an apartment on the 5300 block of East McKinney Street and stole several items.
According to a police report, the tenant said she was missing a game player, several games, a digital camera, a DVD player and several pieces of jewelry.
The resident said this is the third time her apartment has been burglarized since December. She believes entry is being made by using a key she leaves under the welcome mat."

For The Girl

A most unfortunate name

HoustonChronicle.com - Gun power: NRA should use its expertise to curb accidental shootings, violence

The Houston Chronicle makes me want to vomit.

This POS "editorial" is nothing more than mental masturbation by some anonymous anti-gun wonk at the Chronicle. I'll summarize by quoting the last line of the last paragraph:

While the NRA and its supporters have the unquestioned upper hand in this debate, they should consider what measures they can take or redouble in order to stem the rash of gun violence that recently has taken the lives or health of several Houston-area children.

They actually invoked the "think of the children" cliche'.

Moby Dick!

'We think they saw a whale which was for some reason feeling very happy. It reared out of the water, fell on to its back and they saw this thing that they assumed was a tail.' But he added: 'You wouldn't expect to see a whale in this state on his own.'

Indeed. Hey, it was 1734 - how many of those have you seen?

The Book "meme"

I go through all winter without catching anything, and now I've caught something from JulieB: "I called you out for the "Book Meme" on my site. I'm hoping you will
step up to the plate since you are my only right wing victim! Check today's post: http://juliewithab.blogspot.com/ "

I'm going to think on who I'm passing this little gem on to while I sleep tonight...

But for now, here you go on your long awaited questions, Julie:

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

This is an easy one. And I’m not going to pick a specific book, but an author. How’s about anything written by Danielle Steele? I was stuck once at someone’s house and the only book available to me was a Danielle Steele novel. After the third day, and only having managed to read the first chapter thanks to constant vomiting and nausea, I decided that I couldn’t take it any more and slit my wrists.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Negative. Being male, I need images to have any type of reaction. That’s why my early crushes were on SI supermodels like Carol Alt.


What is the last book you bought?

It’s been a while since I’ve actually purchased a book – I’m fortunate in that my friends let me mooch off them when they finish a good one. The last one I’ve so borrowed (thanks, Dan!) was by Stephen Hunter – Havana. It’s a continuation of the Earl Swagger collection, all of which I’ve enjoyed for some pure escapism.

What are you currently reading?

Just finished Garden of Beasts by Jeffery Deaver. Pretty good read. A tale of an American hit man who gets conned into traveling to pre war Nazi Germany to make a hit by a shady character in the US government. If he survives, he get some cash and let off the hook for some nefarious deeds done back in the states. There’s the ever present Car and Driver, Front Sight, and various gun catalogs lying around as well.

Five books you would take to a desert island?

Well, in addition to a sharp knife and a .22 bolt action rifle, hmmmmm.

1. The SAS Survival Guide. It’s an extremely valuable resource if you’re ever stuck on a desert island, or anywhere in the world for that matter.
2. The Odyssey. It never gets old.
3. Myamoto Musashi’s Gorin no shô, aka the Book of Five Rings. I learn something new each time I read this fantastic work, and it has been an asset to me throughout my shooting career.
4. Any decent atlas of the night sky. Figure I’ll have plenty of opportunity to study the heavens on my island.
5. Tom Clancy’s Without Remorse. I like John Clark. He’s an interesting character, and like him, I hate druggies. Remorse is one of Clancy’s best in my opinion – he doesn’t get bogged down in all the technical babble that seemed to plague his later books, and he really allows you to get close to Clark.

KFC Manager Douses Animal Activists

Dear PETA,
I'm meat. Eat me.
jr

ProMagicPlus

I just got a new mainboard for my pc at home, which was suffering mortal problems. Along with the mobo, there was a disk that includes drivers and programs. One of the programs is ProMagicPlus. Before I installed this software, I thought I'd take a look at their website. What I found was pretty hilarious, as the site is pretty much a lesson in Engrish. As they say at wasay.com:

Make you every step steady easy!

An Humorous Anecdote

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas.

He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "Hey, if you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight is shocking, and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yup. That's as far as I got, too."

Spears Reveals Pregnancy on Her Web Site

See, you vultures? Britney's not fat, she's knocked up. Now get back to work.

THE OFFICIAL BLOG OF FETUS SPEARS

Britney and Cletus have made it official. She is pregnant. If you want a daily update from her fetus, this is this place to get it.

A BELOW-THE-BELLY LOOK AT LIFE INSIDE MY MOTHER, BRITNEY SPEARS: THE WORLD'S MOST WHITE TRASH POP STAR MOMMY!!!@!

Quest to get a Republican to fight DeLay may have crossed a line

I've said it before on the pages of the Tattler and I'll say it again: If DeLay is guilty, he'd better get the hell out now.

However, this is looking more and more like a concerted effort to get rid of DeLay, plain and simple.

Take the constant onslaught of the media, particularly CNN and the NYT. Take the same media outlets, and observe how they have totally ignored the recent problems that have plauged Chucky Shumer, Hillary Clinton, and Nancy Pelosi. Each have recently been slapped on the wrist for massive ethical violations themselves, yet we hear no word of it. Why is that I wonder?

My Way News

Disclaimer - I'm not Catholic. Hell, I don't belong to *any* church! But I've had about enough of the Catholic bashing the mainstream media seems intent on forcing down our throats. It seems as if the worst thing in the world to be is either a Christian or a Jew.

I can't fail to point out the irony, however. I don't seem to recall anyone in the media jumping on the "bashing islam" bandwagon. No bashing of the manner islam treats its women. I don't seem to recall anyone asking the islamic imams when they'll let women become priests. I can't recall anyone asking the imams when they'll stop the practice of issuing fatwahs against just about everyone else in the world. I don't remember hearing anyone sticking a microphone in the face of an islamic holy man and asking him what he thought about hacking off the heads of innocent prisoners.

However, the poor Catholic church, which wouldn't moderate *it's* position on abortion, female priests, gay marriage, blah blah blah becomes the whipping boy de jour.

Yahoo! News - Jackson Begged to Sleep with Boy-Child's Mother

Crikey. Anyone else sick of this soap opera? I'd be willing to pass on the rest of the trial, we can just declare that MJ is a total freak, an oxygen thief, and lock him up in house arrest in his oxygen chamber for the rest of his life where he can't molest any more young boys or make any more music to molest the rest of us.

Something Awful

If you don't read Something Awful, I'd like to recommend it. I've been a fan for years now, and while it has some questionable content and a bunch of silliness, it provides a valuable public service: making fun of things on the Internets. However, it's not all fun and games, as this link shows. Last week, they made fun of (drumroll, please) THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR. Apparently, this was a bad idea, and the craziness that follows is documented in the link above.

Dean's formula: Jesus, balanced budgets, gun neutrality

Let me summarize Howard Dean's new Democratic Party: be everything to everyone. Howard needs a history lesson, and I'll quote Abraham Lincoln.

"You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time."

Yeah, Lincoln was a Republican, but he was a uniter of parties. He even got Northern Democrats to rally to the Union cause.

Democrats wouldn't know about that sort of thing.

Summer is here in Texas!

I love Texas. For the last month we have had beautiful weather with only a couple of days of rain. Another thing you can always count on here is women showing off a little skin. I am a big fan of women showing off their belly buttons.


I am no fan of this, although I do like the snoopy socks!

Big D's New Blaster

I finally took delivery of my new baby. It is an STI framed Rock Ranch Custom. As it sits right now it shoots .45 acp, but I also had a .40 S&W top fitted. I'll shoot the .45 in IDPA and the .40 in USPSA.

Child Shot in the Face

This is beyond ludicrous now. This is NEWS in the UK. A 12-year-old boy had a BB gun, and *gasp* almost put another child's eye out. Actually, he missed her eye, BUT IT LEFT HER WITH REDNESS AND SWELLING ON HER FACE. Where will this insanity end?

I have a friend who still carries a BB in his side. That shooting did not make the news in Garland, TX. In fact, it was a crappy shot, and he only got hit because he was slow. Noboby called the police, there was no investigation. In fact, I'm not even sure there was a band-aid involved.

Britain is breeding a nation of pwussies. I think it's time to ban shadows in the UK - they're already scared of them. Grow up, you big nancies.

More guns not the answer (HamptonRoads.com/Pilot Online)

This editorial made me laugh. Out loud.

Idiot.

Oregon State Daily Barometer Online - Don't throw out the antivenom, just in case

"The NRA is often attacked for defending the private ownership of assault weapons. They are insulted as lunatic hate-mongers who just love violence and death and big mean guns that kill. I'm not going to examine whether or not that's true or accurate.
I don't care.
The issue here is that the NRA's main message, that it is defending the intent of the Second Amendment, is dead on."

This article is pretty darned good. It starts out reading like an anti-gun tirade, but keep on.

The right of the people to own weaponry is predicated upon the notion that a well-regulated militia is necessary to our very security.

Now, ask yourself when it was that our national security was last threatened by a mule deer or a covey of quail?

Obviously, never.

I sincerely hope this country never has to suffer a second Civil War, but I also hope I'm never bitten by a rattlesnake.

That doesn't mean, however, that I support destroying the world stock of antivenom.

A well-armed public, much like antivenom, is good to have, just in case.

ABC News: Colo. Cracks Down on Left-Lane Dawdling

You know, this is against the law in Texas, too. Problem is, there's too damned many foreigners here that don't know that.

I have a suggestion: drag them out of the car, and shoot them on the spot.

It's a start.

Mark Alexander: The 'Gun Problem'

"What was the problem? Leftists brace yourself: It was not a gun problem, but a culture problem. Amazingly, Barnes inadvertently touched on this problem, saying, 'Our leaders are preaching about the culture of life. They should spend the same amount of energy taking steps to stop our nation's culture of death.' Of course, Barnes and his ilk think the culture of death begins and ends with guns. Their silence on the real cultural problems is deafening. "

I guess the good news is that the Brady Bunch and their ilk are having to resort to more shrill and ludicrous claims in a feeble attempt to advance their agenda. The bad news is that they choose to take advantage of every single opportunity to get themselves in the media and spout their gibberish. Alexander does a good job of fisking the latest rhetoric surrounding the Red Lake shootings.

Of course, focusing on inanimate objects like guns is far easier than focusing on cultural problems, particularly since many of the problems in question are the result of Leftist doctrines -- like parents (particularly fathers) who have abdicated the responsibility for raising responsible and moral children to government schools. The cultural consequences of renouncing that responsibility are exacerbated by the phony "Wall of Separation" arguments, which Left judicial activists have used to eliminate religious (read: "moral") training from those schools, and remove the Ten Commandments in principle and substance.

Why do kids kill today? Because nobody's teaching them that it's WRONG.

Teenager tried to cut up missile with an axe

What a total dumbass.

A teenager who found a cloud-seeding missile was almost killed when he tried to cut it up for scrap metal with an axe.

Koran scholar: US will cease to exist in 2007

My ass.

Beauty queen brighter than nuclear physicist

Yeah, but can she cook and clean?

A Slovenian TV programme that tried to prove top models were brainless bimbos was scrapped after a beauty queen turned out to have a higher IQ than a nuclear physicist.

Fonda: 'Hanoi Jane' visit was a mistake

MSNBC - Fonda: 'Hanoi Jane' visit was a mistake

Jane, I think I speak for all us when I say (and please don't take this the wrong way), "Get bent, you treasonous whore!"

Man Drowns While Testing His Depth Finder

Dang. Talk about irony.

But nowhere does the article mention how deep the water is.

Bullet hits Delphos man in groin

The headline really doesn't do the story justice. I wonder if this would be ruled an accidental shooting, attempted suicide, or just a failed act of Darwinism?

Ask Karen, the USDA Automaton

CoolGov.com (the site that tries to convince you that your government is, in fact, cool) has this jewel. Get online answers to those burning questions. Even better, lookit what other have asked already.

WingTunes.com - The official Wing member's site

Ya see, this is what's wrong with the Internets today: anybody can sell anything. Wing sings, but that's a subjective opinion. There's a free sample of several classics available on her web site, but on the page linked above, I DARE you to download Wing's tender rendition of Abba's "Dancing Queen."

She makes William Hung sound talented.

The Original Dog Powered Scooter

This really chaps my keester. Here I am, firmly in the 21st century, and there's not ONE SINGLE FLYING CAR to be seen. But you can get another marvel of the 21st Century, the DOG-frickin'-powered SCOOTER. On the Internets, no less. This sucks. I want MY future back - the one with push-button meals in a pill and flying cars, dammit.

Petition is launched in bid for Scots air guns ban

THIS is what happens when "sensible gun control" is implemented. Look at the wording in this petition:

I recognise that Scotland needs power over firearms and agree that legislative powers over all type of firearms should be devolved to the Scottish Parliament immediately...

In other words, I agree to sign over my rights to my government, and hope they do the right thing. Absolutely unbelievable that a nation could produce so many idiots.

Fun with Names!

I'm seeing a trend with today's blog posts. I'll try to stop, but no promises.

GOOD NEWS!

New Straits Times - Malaysia News Online: "GOOD NEWS:
Snatch thefts down 26.9% last year "

Good news, indeed.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter, y'all.

Texican Tattler: Britney Spears Is Fat!

Seriously - what is wrong with you people? We get more referrals from people Googling "Britney Spears is Fat" than anything else.

Get
A
Life.

Americans becoming more realistic about gun control

"It's become clear over the years that most of these spectacular episodes are so freakish that they are not amenable to regulatory solutions. It's also become clear that any imaginable gun-control laws are not likely to have much effect on crime in America."

Wow. An op-ed piece about the recent school shooting in Red Lake that's NOT a foaming-at-the-mouth, ban-all-guns, hysterical, spit-blowing rant about how guns are the root of all evil in America.

Records of gun sales? The killer, 16-year-old Jeff Weise, wasn't old enough to buy a gun legally in Minnesota. At least two of his guns were stolen from his grandfather, a police officer whom he killed.

Assault weapons ban? His arsenal included no such weapons -- only a .22-caliber pistol, plus a police-issued .40-caliber handgun and 12-gauge shotgun. Limiting lawsuits against dealers? A bill that hasn't been enacted couldn't have caused a mass shooting yet.

The Violence Policy Center charged that the problem lies in "America's love affair with guns," and held up the example of countries that, it says, have prevented mass shootings through "severe restrictions on the availability of specific classes of firearms, such as handguns and assault weapons."

This statement only confirmed the National Rifle Association's suspicion that gun-control advocates are bent on banning entire categories of common firearms -- even though most owners use them in a responsible and law-abiding manner.

Looks like the message is starting to make it's way out - it's not the guns, stupid.

50 CENT DISAPPOINTED HIS BULLETPROOF CARS HAVENT BEEN SHOT AT

Dear Mr. 50 (or is it Mr. Cent?),
This is an open letter that you could consider as an offer for me and my friends to help you out. Personally, I've never shot up an armored vehicle, but I've shot plenty of regular ones. Between the 6 of us on this blog, I daresay we've put a few hundred rounds through various cars and trucks, both on purpose and accidentally (oops).

Please drop us a line at tattlers@gmail.com, and we'd be happy to get you fixed up.

Sincerely,
The Texican Tattlers

Underground Extra-terrestrial UFO bases all around the world - a mind boggling theory

This is what's wrong with America's mainstream media. How could they have missed this story?

spiked-risk | Red Lake: a tragedy, not a lesson

"There is a new industry of school violence 'experts', with a journal entitled Journal of School Violence appearing in 2002, which recommended restricting access to schools, increasing the number of school police officers, developing emergency plans and adding telephones and radios around schools. An unarmed security guard patrolled the corridors of the high school in Red Lake, and was the first person to be killed by Weise. Rather than spending money on books, security seems to be taking over."

So much for unarmed "guards" as protection, much less as even a deterrent. I'm sure the poor guy's uniform made him prime target #1.

What's really interesting about this article is that it actually talks about the root issues of what motivates a child mass murderer. Not the video games, the guns, the goth clothing, but what sent these kids over the edge. It's interesting to note that people don't just wake up one morning with an innate desire to massacre. It festers and grows, and manifests itself in a number of ways. Sometimes, albeit rarely, it explodes into mind-numbing violence.

However, as this article points out, these events are rare.

In spite of the rarity of these events, the feel-gooders are quick to make sure we put measures in place that will presumably keep this from happening again. In fact, what happens is that rights are eroded for everyone, and the real issues continue to be ignored. But the politicians can rest easy, because many mommies now feel better.

What's is also interesting is how our society seeks and desires the quick-fix, and in doing so, typically overreacts with futile, feel-good policies that do nothing to stop the problem. Point in case: zero-tolerance policies. There's a great list of "common sense" or "zero tolerance" stupidity. For example:

A six-year-old in Colorado was suspended for violating the school's anti-drug policy after a teacher saw him share a lemon drop sweet with a friend. The school also called an ambulance for the lemon-drop-eating friend.

Nope, you can't make this stuff up. People really are that stupid.

Shooting With Friends

This is us at the Double Tap Ranch Championship. Front row, l-r: Andrew, Steve, and Dan. Back row, l-r: Catfish, Pimp Daddy, Big D, The Girl, Bruce, and JR. We got trophies, and Andrew and Dan won GUNS! It was an awesome USPSA match, with 12 stages, and a round count of 309.

We had fun.

Update: I liked the pic above a little better. Maybe Big D will share the story...

Also, here's QuickTime movie of our very own Dan tearing up a stage on his way to winning Production Overall. What a stud.

Dan in Action! (6.11MB QuickTime - not dial-up friendly)